New Years – Singing about Cooking

It’s like a switch that automatically turns me off as soon as the Advent 1 church service starts. All of the joy and excitement and celebration that suddenly becomes the center of everyone else’s life for four weeks to Christmas just falls right out of me. Dries up. Heck, runs away screaming.

Because of this, I’ve always called myself a Grinch, sometimes a Scrooge or a Humbug.

But dammit, I’m not. I’m none of those characters. I’m not mean or nasty or heartless. I don’t steal anyone else’s fun and cheer.

I don’t hate the holidays – the secular ones or the holy ones. I don’t hate the traditions, the gatherings, the food, the songs, the colors, the festivities.

But I’m an introvert. The holidays, and my reaction to them, is one of the few ways I know, truly know that my Myers-Briggs 1-point preference for introvertism is really true; seven other behavioral analysis, several repeated, confirm this. I know, it’s hard to believe of me, right?

“The holidays” are inherently a social phenomenon; they can’t happen without the tacit cooperation of groups – mostly large groups – of people, whether parade marchers or watchers, naughty and nice list comparisons, and the most basic present giving and receiving. Even more so, the religious foundation of holi-days is social, beginning with and culminating in a collection of the largest worship services of the year for most churches.

Think about it. There is not one single holiday tradition that carries a positive connotation and is experienced without engagement with others.

And for me – an introvert with a 6-person max – this is excruciating. Even if I’m mostly left to “wall-flower” (which is what I always secretly hope will happen), I watch the clock so that I can cut and run as soon as I’ve attended for a respectable amount of time.

And I do want to be respectful when I choose to attend; I never want to make a host/ess feel like s/he has done something to make me uncomfortable or unhappy. It’s why I choose quite carefully and deliberately when and how and with whom to engage during the holidays.

If I cow to expectations and attend, I’m often noticeably reserved, even if I have a drink. In fact, I willingly – actually cheerfully – volunteer to cook, serve, and especially clean up just so I have an easy excuse to just be rather than interact.

If I do what I want and RSVP regrets in favor of Die Hard and Home Alone marathons, I’m labeled a Grinch, a Scrooge, a Humbug by others.

It’s a Catch-22 of the purest variety.

Because I’m not a Grinch with a heart too small to love others. I’m not a Scrooge who’s been hurt by others and just wants to hurt people back. I’m not a Humbug out to squash others’ celebration. (While I do detest yard decorations with a passion, I’ve never once suggested that others stop decorating or take theirs down.)

But I don’t have any other cultural references to use when trying to simplify my discomfort with the norms of the holidays than to call myself a Grinch, a Scrooge, or a Humbug. They serve to convey that I don’t want to participate, certainly. But the edge of negativity they come with is something I’d like to figure out how to divest.

Thoughts for a New Year (and thanks for the old!)

A New Identity (from The Upper Room: Daily Devotional Guide)

14 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“For your sake I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians, [a]
in the ships in which they took pride.
15 I am the LORD, your Holy One,
Israel’s Creator, your King.”
16 This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,
17 who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
20 The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the desert
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
21 the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise.

From Patricia Mohney in Moscow, Russia: I was excited to teach English in a foreign country, but I struggled with leaving my job and selling my possessions. Once I decided to go, however, I moved from my apartment to a temporary living arrangement with friends. A few days before leaving, I sold my car. After the new owner took it, a strange feeling came over me when I looked in my handbag: I realized I had no keys! These signs of my former identity—house key, mailbox key, office keys, and car keys—were now in someone else’s handbag or pocket. I felt a mixture of loss and freedom.

Then I realized that if I insist on holding on to the old or familiar, such as a comfortable job or lifestyle, I may miss the new thing God desires for me. God is in the business of making things new. By God’s grace, we have a new heart, a new spirit, and a new identity. We have God’s promise that we are becoming new creations in Christ. Old thoughts, motives, and ways of viewing ourselves pass away. God plants in us new possibilities, new desires, and hope that does not disappoint us. (See Romans 5:5)

Prayer: Dear God, give us the grace to let go of any and every thing that keeps us from new life in Christ. Amen.

Thought for the Day: Every Day, in some way, God is doing a “new thing” in each of us.

My additions—some for 2009 and some for all time:

Thank you for leading me to forgiveness—I have finally been able to let go of some really big hurts—to give them to God

Thank you for allowing me to teach this to others—that they might forgive and be forgiven and know you better

Thank you for guiding me to St. Andrews—even for the other churches I have visited—for opening my heart and mind to new worship experiences and new lessons and new light from you

Thank you for the church member who donated a new roof to Holly

Thank you for the power of prayer—all of mine have been answered, not necessarily the answer I thought I wanted, but always leading toward something new and exciting

Thank you for all the babies who were born—if I try to name them all, I’m sure to forget someone

Thank you for all those you called home—again, if I try to name them all, I’m sure I’ll forget someone important—but I will name Hugh Easterby who joins his beloved Joanne and Miss Lo Eloise Albrecht—some of my favorite people growing up at St. John’s

Thank you for Danielle, Ted, Summer, and Anna—for sending them into my life—they are a blessing and truly part of my family

Thank you for Heather, Ron, Brian and Caroline—and especially for your blessings in Heather’s granny’s life—bringing her a wonderful advocate caregiver to make sure she enjoys the life she wants and relieving Heather of the role of fostering family turmoil to do so—and thank you for leading Heather to make new choices to keep her in this life longer—please be sure to lead us to help her in the ways she needs

Thank you for Todd, Chris, Cecil, and Jonas—for sending this wonderful man back into my life after so many years and for the men he is raising in your light—that I might continue to know them more and that you continue to send your healing to their lives and to those they love

Thank you for Mark—the most awesome boss and mentor and friend I could never have imagined to have to teach me how life and work can both nurture each other—for allowing me the freedom to create an amazing job that I really don’t ever want to leave—for encouraging me through praise and the gift of time to follow my passions both on and off the job

Thank you for my work sisters and brothers—Vicki, Holly, Treva, Caroline, DeAnne, Ellen, Bryan, Ernest, Enzo, Tomas, Scott, Brad—and even work-boyfriends Steve and Frank—for the good we do in the lives of older adults—and for the happy hour fun that brings us even closer

Thank you for Marsha—my mom—for leading her to newness of life—for showing her through me what she really valued in her church life and for moving her to follow that—for allowing me to offer her respite and help in managing the lives of those she loves

Thank you for Ed—my dad—for showing him the effect he has on others and helping him to make changes to improve the lives of those he loves—the sweetness he truly does bring to our lives—for pushing him to his random acts of kindness and caring

Thank you for Tate—my brother—for the miracles he has experienced through his faith—his life, his service to the church on local and state committees, his service to Charleston on the county disabilities board, his winning swimming season in the Special Olympics and in horseback riding shows through Rein and Shine

Thank you for Grace—Tate’s service companion dog—a beautiful and loving Labrador—for bringing Tate a sense of accomplishment and responsibility for another life—towards increased independence within his limitations

Thank you for my Nannie—for the amazing life she has led and the example she is still for me to be a woman of faith, substance, and love for the world she lives in

Thank you for Jan—my aunt and godmother—for the friend and sometimes-guide she is in my life—that I can talk to her about anything and always gain a new and purposeful insight

Thank you for Gay—my aunt and daddy’s sister—for being my only girl ally in a funny family of boys and for being such a fun and happy person in my life

Thank you for Tom—my uncle and daddy’s brother—for his life and health, that he continues to share so much love and kinship despite the losses in his life

Thank you for my cousins—Ashley and Trueman, Katie and Carlos, Kelly, and Tyler—for the delightful people they are and the joys they share from their lives in mine

Thank you for the miracle of my health—especially my improved health from exercise and weight loss—and even for showing me what not to do to my body lest I hurt it unnecessarily—and for the courage to register for the bridge run and helping continue to work toward that goal

Thank you for school—that it has taught me some incredible lessons about myself…about what is truly important…about what I can do with my talents and passions…and most importantly that I’m done after this MBA!!

Thank you for the freedom of living with my parents—that we are able to mutually share the responsibilities of managing an aging and disabled family so that we can all pursue passions and share resources so that no one person is stretched too far for too long

Thank you for allowing me the luxury of helping others—both through my personal time and attention and through financial gifts—and for allowing them to accept these gifts graciously

Tag: New Years

Why I Call Myself a Grinch – but I’m Not Really a Grinch

Thoughts for a New Year in 2010 (and thanks for things in the old 2009)