Category: Everyday Musings

Posted in The Old Days

High School Flashback…folding notes

Posted on by singingaboutcooking

Today, I enjoyed a day-long exchange with an old friend…actually my old high school boyfriend…mimicking the age-old tradition of passing notes…but Facebook style!

Yes, there are a few more exchanges, but only because he butt-dialed me and I heard the book he was listening to in the car.

But this all made me think about that classic way we used to fold our notes, thinking somehow that our “secret” folding technique made our notes impenetrable by teachers. I also remember writing backwards, again thinking that my teachers would be too stupid to figure it out and wouldn’t be able to read the note out loud and embarrass me.

So I grabbed a piece of paper from the copy machine and let my memory take over:


Fold diagonally from the top right corner to the left straight edge, matching up what was the top edge with the left edge and making a perfect point at the top left.

Fold the remaining bottom “tag” upwards.

Fold vertically from the bottom right to the bottom left, matching up the two bottom corners.

Fold horizontally and to the back so that the top point now points downward.

Fold that point back upwards over the front.

Fold the remaining little point tag down into the pocket made by the paper.

There were also variations on how to fold that final point into the pocket, sometimes making a pull tag, but that’s pretty much the gist.

Crazy sometimes the things you remember from high school. Crazier still that twenty years later a good-looking man can still make you blush by asking you to check yes or no to let him know if you like him. I mean like-him like-him 🙂

Posted in Everyday Musings, God Loves Me!

Reflections on “New” Choices

Posted on by singingaboutcooking

The past ten days have been a smorgasbord of “new”-ness.

It started with me being terrifyingly spontaneous: I invited a friend to come live with me. And I live with my parents in the front “suite” of the house. To have someone stay with me, he/she has either to sleep with me in my bed or sleep on my love seat…at least until I can switch it out for my futon bed.

You see, a dear friend needed my help hitting bottom so that he could start new, fresh, believing in himself again. He had decided that disappearing from his home and family was the only way he could begin healing.  Thankfully, between his family’s love and my offer, he accepted my rash invitation…and my support. After a stay at the VA Mental Health Clinic–and I am soooo proud of him for taking that step–he is on the road to recovery.

You were wearied with the length of your way, but you did not say, “It is hopeless”; you found new life for your strength, and so you were not faint.   ~Isaiah 57:10

He is a “new” friend in my life, but one I’ve known for close to 25 years. In fact, he introduced me to a “new” feature of life way back when, as he was the first guy I ever made out with. But that’s in the past. He lets me be a “guy”…introducing me to all kinds of guy things that are “new” to me and that I find I love: dirt track, 4-wheeling, wicked horror movies (and funny ones too).

Two other “new”-nesses came to fruition this weekend. You see, since Christmas, I have been serving in the maid-of-honor role helping a “new” friend design the wedding she and her husband never had the first time around. To renew their vows for their 11th anniversary, she wanted to incorporate elements of the wedding she had to abandon 11 years ago.

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.   ~Romans 6:4

To top it off, the couple built into the weekend the baptism of their younger daughter, a bright, precocious child of 3…I mean, child of God. The dedication of her life and soul to God is possibly the most wonderful kind of newness of all.

The family is a new one in my life, the wife/mother an acquaintance from my college days 15 years ago; she joined the “other” sorority. But we knew instantly when they moved to Charleston that God had put us into each other’s lives. We are still technically “new” to each other, but each time we learn something “new” in fact, we are neither of us surprised by the stories we hear but by the rightness of our friendship, this new wonderful connection.

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.   ~1 Samuel 18:1

I marvelled just this morning…this Valentine’s Day morning…that I have had just two Valentines in my 35 years…two men I have loved in this life. They are both dear friends today, all of us having lived to find new loves and lives as God has led us in our journeys. I am blessed by their friendship and am indeed knit “anew” with them!

Now, this month of February 2011 begins a new chapter in my life…and unemployed one. My official separation date from my old job was January 31, and I have no idea what’s in store for me. Except that God will show me what to do and when to do it. My prayer is for “new” sight and “new” hearing so that don’t miss His cues.

Posted in Everyday Musings

Milestones in Life

Posted on by singingaboutcooking

Today I have reached the end of a milestone counter…14 years, 11 months, 19 days.

Funny thing about milestones; unless you–the reader–know what the counter (or countdown) is for, you don’t know whether to congraulate or commiserate.

But here’s a hint:

  • a counter (adding up days, months, years) usually indicates that you have made a change by choice and you are tracking the time you continue to commit to that change; typically a counter marks the end of a bad choice and the beginning of a new and better choice in life
  • a countdown (subtracting days, months, years) usually indicates that you have an event or change in front of you, something yet to come, to anticipate or perhaps to dread

Counters are people like recovering alcoholics, divorcees coming back to life, heart attack survivors. Loss of the counter usually means a backslide into something bad…falling off the bandwagon.

Countdowners are people like students looking toward graduation, couples getting married, parents waiting for their baby to be born.

That would lead you to assume that the end of my counter means that I have fallen off of some positive life bandwagon, but that’s not so. Counters are also people who have lost or put away something, who can mark the last time they had it, and who have been patient and lived well through a long period without something they wanted but couldn’t have or chose not to have.

So I created a milestone event, somewhere off in an unknown future, knowing not if or when having that thing again would happen. For years I didn’t even think of it; it just wasn’t important to me, nor was it harmful in any way either. Sometimes when I did think of it, the milestone aspect was more intriguing than anything…how much longer can I go without it? Why do I still go without it? Was it for a good reason? The right reason? Is it still a good or right reason?

This was a milestone of self-denial, a created milestone, one of my choosing, which isn’t usually the way we think of milestones…a choice. And nearly 15 years of self-denial has afforded me a lot of time and experiences through which to explore things I probably wouldn’t have otherwise, including that thing I denied myself.

But one particular milestone has ended, the counter put away on this one. I have no need–inherent, created, or imposed–to start the counter over. I have accepted an old, wonderful thing back into my life…because I am finally ready for it.

And a new counter toward a completely different, but related milestone has taken its place.

Posted in Everyday Musings, Love Life

I HATE Sally

Posted on by singingaboutcooking

I have an awfully hard time just disliking someone, but a nearly impossible time actually hating someone enough that I really believe if I saw him/her that I wouldn’t be able to resist ripping them limb from limb. Oops, sorry, this is supposed to be a productive blog site at the very least, but I hate people who knowingly and deliberately hurt others. Well, I hate the ones who are so wrapped up in themselves that they only care about what happens to them and not the ones they use.

These musings are on women who destroy families.

Qualifier: what I’m about to write can certainly and easily apply to men, but I’ve really just about had it with women…no, girls…hurting wonderful men who love them and whom I care a lot about. And in all but one instance, I’ve never even met these women.

Reason #1: Cheating women are children. Really. They have gotten stuck at some pubescent stage of growing up. I mean, think about it, they are like children at recess. Sally and Suzie are playing in the sandbox; Sally, who has been digging with a shovel, puts down the shovel, brushes off the sand on her clothes, and steps out of the sandbox to go swing on the swings. But as Suzie moves to pick up the now abandoned shovel, Sally gets all possessive. Now, we know that I’m speaking in metaphor here. Sally was dating Sam, but is now done with Sam and wants to go date Mike. But at the same time, Sally doesn’t want anyone else to date Sam either, so she keeps him. Remember, Sam is the shovel in the sandbox, Mike is a swing on the swingset. As far as Sally is concerned, those two have no reason to ever play together or know about each other. That’s the mentality that allows Sally to justify keeping two men who don’t know about each other or their competition for Sally.

The same thing happens in the cheating situation (we’ll stick with Sally, Sam, and Mike). Sally and Sam are married. But Sally sees Mike and decides she likes/loves him too. While I can’t completely discount the existence of polyamory (where multiple partners all know about each other and agree to be part of a multiple partner relationship), the greed, envy, and secrecy that make cheating bad and sexy are the very things that made lying so attractive to the 5-year-old who discovered that sometimes if she said sister did it she might not get spanked…that reward rather than punishment for getting away with it. Very childish in my mind.

Reason #2: Cheating women can only lie: to themselves, to their children, and to the world. A byproduct of all of the lying necessary to cheat successfully is that at some point, she must begin to lie to herself. Not just the “getting away with it” part but the “this way no one gets hurt” part, followed by the inevitable “we’re all happier this way” part. You see, at some point, Sally will be able to justify keeping her husband Sam and dating Mike on the sly with a line of logic that goes like this: I love Mike and he makes me happy; if I’m happy from being with Mike, then I can be a nicer and better mom to my kids; and if I’m happy from being with Mike and the kids are doing well, then I can be a good wife to Sam. See, everyone is happy. At least that is what Sally has lied to herself about so many times that she now believes her own lies.

Reason #3: Cheating women deserve neither of the men they are with. Whether Mike knows about Sally’s husband Sam or not, Sally isn’t worthy of either of them. Here’s where some things might seem contradictory. But if you are Mike, and you love Sally, and she has said she’s going to leave Sam for you, you want to believe her, right? And if you are Mike, and you love Sally, and she says she has to stay with Sam because that’s what’s best for the kids, you want to believe her right? You wouldn’t love her if she was easily willing to disrupt the kids’ life just for her own pleasures, right?

In my experience as a friend to both Sam and Mike, for Sally to make this work, she has to convince one or both Sam and Mike that he is not good enough to get anyone else, to make him believe that she is the only one who can love him like he needs, despite his many and heinous flaws. In fact, such a strategy protects Sally from exactly what she fears, that she is not worthy of either of them.

What I’ve learned from these musings is that Sally is possibly the best salesperson ever…until it comes time to close the deal. Again, in both Sam’s and Mike’s cases, when push came to shove, Sally ended up with neither man: neither her husband or her lover. Both relationships failed.

And finally, I must acknowledge a special class of women who I think must be mutant, because they can’t possibly be human. These are women who abandon their children. Now, I don’t mean women who determine that someone else can give their child/ren a better life than they can and adopt them out or even sell them; though I may not agree with the method, I can respect them putting their child/ren’s needs and opportunities before theirs. I mean women who simply up and walk away. Drop the kids off at a friend’s house and just never come back from the store.

Now I’ll clarify here, I don’t have children that I can claim on my taxes, nor have I ever been pregnant. And to be honest, I’d be perfectly happy with my life if I never do have any children. But I can’t even abandon a cat or dog on the side of the road, and am horrified by the idea of leaving my nieces or nephews in the car while I take the groceries inside the house first. Truly, I believe in the existence of and challenge genetic researchers to identify the mutant gene that allows mothers to abandon their children.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on what I think of court systems who will give those same women a second chance with those children.

What I’ve ended up with are men friends who I’m pretty sure feel an immense hole in their lives, as if they will have missed some elemental life experience if they can’t find that one perfect love. (Note: I did not say perfect person.) They–the men–are the anti-players they were years ago when we were all younger, more carefree, not yet thinking of settling down but of living. Now they are worried…dare I say scared…that they’ve missed her and haven’t got a clue how to recover their opportunity, if there’s even one left. And, worse, they are scared to try again, to be hurt again. I hope I never get hurt so often or so badly that I can’t try again.

And, in case you are wondering, yes, I full-on friend love all of the Sams and Mikes in my life whom Sally has cheated on, whose children she has abandoned. Nearly all of my Sams and Mikes have been crushes, boyfriends, even lovers at some time, and have remained very dear to me. Thankfully, I can say that I have never been a Sally.

Posted in Everyday Musings

Thoughts for a New Year in 2010 (and thanks for things in the old 2009)

Posted on by singingaboutcooking

Thoughts for a New Year (and thanks for the old!)

A New Identity (from The Upper Room: Daily Devotional Guide)

14 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“For your sake I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians, [a]
in the ships in which they took pride.
15 I am the LORD, your Holy One,
Israel’s Creator, your King.”
16 This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters,
17 who drew out the chariots and horses,
the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
20 The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the desert
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
21 the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise.

From Patricia Mohney in Moscow, Russia: I was excited to teach English in a foreign country, but I struggled with leaving my job and selling my possessions. Once I decided to go, however, I moved from my apartment to a temporary living arrangement with friends. A few days before leaving, I sold my car. After the new owner took it, a strange feeling came over me when I looked in my handbag: I realized I had no keys! These signs of my former identity—house key, mailbox key, office keys, and car keys—were now in someone else’s handbag or pocket. I felt a mixture of loss and freedom.

Then I realized that if I insist on holding on to the old or familiar, such as a comfortable job or lifestyle, I may miss the new thing God desires for me. God is in the business of making things new. By God’s grace, we have a new heart, a new spirit, and a new identity. We have God’s promise that we are becoming new creations in Christ. Old thoughts, motives, and ways of viewing ourselves pass away. God plants in us new possibilities, new desires, and hope that does not disappoint us. (See Romans 5:5)

Prayer: Dear God, give us the grace to let go of any and every thing that keeps us from new life in Christ. Amen.

Thought for the Day: Every Day, in some way, God is doing a “new thing” in each of us.

My additions—some for 2009 and some for all time:

Thank you for leading me to forgiveness—I have finally been able to let go of some really big hurts—to give them to God

Thank you for allowing me to teach this to others—that they might forgive and be forgiven and know you better

Thank you for guiding me to St. Andrews—even for the other churches I have visited—for opening my heart and mind to new worship experiences and new lessons and new light from you

Thank you for the church member who donated a new roof to Holly

Thank you for the power of prayer—all of mine have been answered, not necessarily the answer I thought I wanted, but always leading toward something new and exciting

Thank you for all the babies who were born—if I try to name them all, I’m sure to forget someone

Thank you for all those you called home—again, if I try to name them all, I’m sure I’ll forget someone important—but I will name Hugh Easterby who joins his beloved Joanne and Miss Lo Eloise Albrecht—some of my favorite people growing up at St. John’s

Thank you for Danielle, Ted, Summer, and Anna—for sending them into my life—they are a blessing and truly part of my family

Thank you for Heather, Ron, Brian and Caroline—and especially for your blessings in Heather’s granny’s life—bringing her a wonderful advocate caregiver to make sure she enjoys the life she wants and relieving Heather of the role of fostering family turmoil to do so—and thank you for leading Heather to make new choices to keep her in this life longer—please be sure to lead us to help her in the ways she needs

Thank you for Todd, Chris, Cecil, and Jonas—for sending this wonderful man back into my life after so many years and for the men he is raising in your light—that I might continue to know them more and that you continue to send your healing to their lives and to those they love

Thank you for Mark—the most awesome boss and mentor and friend I could never have imagined to have to teach me how life and work can both nurture each other—for allowing me the freedom to create an amazing job that I really don’t ever want to leave—for encouraging me through praise and the gift of time to follow my passions both on and off the job

Thank you for my work sisters and brothers—Vicki, Holly, Treva, Caroline, DeAnne, Ellen, Bryan, Ernest, Enzo, Tomas, Scott, Brad—and even work-boyfriends Steve and Frank—for the good we do in the lives of older adults—and for the happy hour fun that brings us even closer

Thank you for Marsha—my mom—for leading her to newness of life—for showing her through me what she really valued in her church life and for moving her to follow that—for allowing me to offer her respite and help in managing the lives of those she loves

Thank you for Ed—my dad—for showing him the effect he has on others and helping him to make changes to improve the lives of those he loves—the sweetness he truly does bring to our lives—for pushing him to his random acts of kindness and caring

Thank you for Tate—my brother—for the miracles he has experienced through his faith—his life, his service to the church on local and state committees, his service to Charleston on the county disabilities board, his winning swimming season in the Special Olympics and in horseback riding shows through Rein and Shine

Thank you for Grace—Tate’s service companion dog—a beautiful and loving Labrador—for bringing Tate a sense of accomplishment and responsibility for another life—towards increased independence within his limitations

Thank you for my Nannie—for the amazing life she has led and the example she is still for me to be a woman of faith, substance, and love for the world she lives in

Thank you for Jan—my aunt and godmother—for the friend and sometimes-guide she is in my life—that I can talk to her about anything and always gain a new and purposeful insight

Thank you for Gay—my aunt and daddy’s sister—for being my only girl ally in a funny family of boys and for being such a fun and happy person in my life

Thank you for Tom—my uncle and daddy’s brother—for his life and health, that he continues to share so much love and kinship despite the losses in his life

Thank you for my cousins—Ashley and Trueman, Katie and Carlos, Kelly, and Tyler—for the delightful people they are and the joys they share from their lives in mine

Thank you for the miracle of my health—especially my improved health from exercise and weight loss—and even for showing me what not to do to my body lest I hurt it unnecessarily—and for the courage to register for the bridge run and helping continue to work toward that goal

Thank you for school—that it has taught me some incredible lessons about myself…about what is truly important…about what I can do with my talents and passions…and most importantly that I’m done after this MBA!!

Thank you for the freedom of living with my parents—that we are able to mutually share the responsibilities of managing an aging and disabled family so that we can all pursue passions and share resources so that no one person is stretched too far for too long

Thank you for allowing me the luxury of helping others—both through my personal time and attention and through financial gifts—and for allowing them to accept these gifts graciously

Posted in The Old Days

Handwriting/Personality Analysis at the Fair

Posted on by singingaboutcooking

Okay, for $3, you sign a little card and a machine tells you about yourself:

You are generally helpful to others.

You tend to make snap decisions.

Your happy-go-lucky manner belies the depth of your feelings.

You are keenly competitive and enjoy physical activities.

You have a natural talent for business matters.

You have a buoyant, optimistic nature and are not easily depressed.

In a debate or argument, you can be a formidable opponent.

Once your mind is made up, you do not hesitate.

Your bark is much, much worse than your bite. (only one I disagree with)

You believe that a job worth doing is worth doing well.

You give yourself and your time freely to others.

You face life optimistically and cheerfully.

Scorpio (The Scorpion) Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Above all, Scorpions seek to give their lives a meaningful purpose. Scorpions have a philosophical turn of mind and a sixth sense that enables them to intuit things before they happen. Scorpions delve into the powers of the mind that others are afraid of. Scorpions may be intense, but they are also generous, kind, loving, and loyal. Scorpions never forget a kindness and try to repay in spades. They never forget an injury either. They can be subtle yet deadly enemies. Scorpio Teddy Roosevelt was known for his motto “speak softly but carry a big stick.” Clever with money, Scorpions have a good chance of amassing wealth. Both men and women are dynamos in the business world. Scorpio’s passion extends to their friends, family, children, and creative interests. To win a Scorpion’s passion and loyalty, you must first earn it. Never take your Scorpio mate for granted. Scorpio is the most complex, magnetic and intrigue-prone sign in the Zodiac. They are devoted to and protective of their children and instill values in them at a very young age.

Scorpio in the New Millenium:

How do you handle the unpredictable influence of Aquarius in the new millenium? You can’t. Forget concrete plans, embrace the unexpected and thank the stars that you are still curious, exploring and probing the mysteries of the universe. Probing your emotional patterns and why they exist will free you to be more playful. The intensity with which you live your life won’t change. What will change is your ability to work with it.

*For the coming week only:

Lucky Day: Tuesday, October 19

Lucky Numbers: 2, 4, 22

Color: Black

Scorpio Plants: Blackthorn, Heather

Scorpio Attractions: to Capricorn, Leo, and Pisces

Famous Scorpios: Whoopi Goldberg, Meg Ryan, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Wynona Ryder, Mn. Thandi Newton, Julia Roberts, Pablo Picasso